What is Rest?

    As we near the end of a long summer and prepare for all the avenues of life that shift with the seasons, finding moments of “rest” is paramount. For many, the idea of fall approaching draws up images of warm spiced drinks, cozy blankets, and maybe a book. For others, fall brings the excitement and anxiety of a new school season, a social transition, and unpredictable changes in routine. Wherever you are on this spectrum of anticipation, we have all thought to ourselves “boy- I need some rest”. 

The reality is that true “rest” does not look exactly the same for any two individuals, and that finding peace and satisfaction is not a skill or routine that comes easily for all. Today, let's talk about the importance of considering and defining what rest looks like for you or your loved one. 

What is “Rest”?

When you look up the word “rest”, words like “relax”, “sleep” and “stopping movement” appear, but none of these come with instructions or suggestions for how a body and mind finds rejuvenation. When chronically stressed, depressed, and/or neurodivergent, “rest” does not come easily, and you may have found that simply being quiet and sitting still has not worked for yourself, for your child, or perhaps in your relationship. This is because rest has many categories of need and personalization, and simply “stopping” is not always enough. This is why many clinicians and psychologists find it helpful to break “rest” up into distinct categories to consider. Dr. Zonya Mitchell, Neuropsychologist breaks rest down in the context of autistic burnout, and I think these categories could be helpful for all ages and brains: Sensory Rest, Masking Rest, Cognitive Rest, Relational Rest, Identity Rest, Creative Rest, and Spiritual Rest. Identifying and defining what each category looks like for you, your partner, or your child (or even your family unit as a whole) can provide a deeper understanding and handy roadmap when things feel overwhelming. Let’s take a look at what these different categories can mean, and what they may look like in action (or stillness). 

Sensory Rest: “Relief from unpredictable or unpleasant input OR bringing in more pleasurable input.”

 We often consider sensory needs when discussing neurodivergency, but the reality is that while certain neurotypes may need more sensory consideration, all humans have sensory preferences and needs. When considering what sensory rest looks like for you or your loved one, we want to think about sensory inputs that need removal (changing clothes, washing our face, pulling back hair, turning off sounds, dimming the lights, etc.) and then what sensory experiences would add to our sense of peace and satisfaction (candles, a soft blanket, music we love, a snack that brings us joy, soft clothing, fidgets, lighting, a hot shower etc.). Sometimes with clients, creating sensory maps or lists for different occasions and needs comes in handy for moments and days when decision making feel heavy. Having a handy list or visual of sensory preferences and needs makes taking the steps towards true rest a little simpler. 

Masking Rest: “Not having to perform in neurotypical ways.” If you are neurotypical, this type of rest can be thought of as “Not having to perform or filter my behavior.”

We often hear the term “masking” in reference to neurodivergency. This area of rest may not resonate with all, but I find that clients of all ages and neurotypes experience masking in some environments. With day jobs, school, social engagements, and even with some family members, you may experience a pressure or expectation to act or speak in a certain way that takes more effort than how you may navigate a day alone or with a trusted loved one. When looking for and needing rest, taking breaks from these expectations and efforts goes a long way. Deliberate masking rest can look like saying no to social engagements, making time with comfortable others, making time for topics and interests that matter to you, letting yourself speak less in a group, or allowing yourself accommodations that you may not usually let yourself have (fidgets, weighted items, ear defenders, comfortable clothing, body movements like swaying, less eye contact, etc.) Never underestimate the internal exhaustion that can accumulate from simply being “on” all day. Finding and making space for unmasking can make strides towards feeling truly relaxed. 

Cognitive Rest: “Things that allow for fewer decisions or less interpretation”

When we are tired and even exhausted, decision making feels more laborious, and can add stress when we are at our limit. Finding cognitive rest may entail simpler things like saying no to phone calls, taking a break before homework after school, asking a partner to plan the meal this evening, or narrowing down your to-do list to only the most necessary tasks today. Letting loved ones know what decisions and responsibilities you need off your plate when stressed or tired can go a long way in preventing burn out. For young ones, having a break before homework or a day off from an extra curricular can provide a lot of rejuvenation during a tired day. 

Relational Rest: “Connection without managing others.”

Especially during the school season, every family member has more on their plate than normal. During seasons of increased social commitments, even time around our loved ones has the potential to add to stress if we have not had time for regulation. Before adding social commitments to your plate or your child’s, take time to consider the relational input you have or will already have that day. Thinking through what individuals fill your cup, versus commitments that may add stress is key. Does the whole family need some alone time after school? Do you and your partner need time apart for an hour after work to recharge? Remember that even though your job or your child’s classes are not strictly “social endeavors” that the relational drain can still be present. 

Identity Rest: “Not Explaining or justifying needs”

Similarly to relational and masking rest, identity rest considers who and what you need to feel fully relaxed and like yourself. This means time to cater to your own needs and wants. For adults, this means time and opportunity to engage in activities and forms of rest that do not require approval, alteration, or allowance from others to be at peace. When taking time to yourself, or with someone you love, can you wear, eat, do, and say exactly what you need to be comfortable? Perhaps this means spending time with others who share a part of your identity that cannot always be fully expressed. Maybe this means ensuring that you have what you need when spending time alone. Taking time to consider what this means for you, your partner, or your child can go a long way in feeling rejuvenated after resting. 

Spiritual Rest: “Not necessarily religious. Provides meaning, purpose, or connection without productivity.”

Spiritual rest, like the other categories here, completely depends on how this category is defined for you. The key words here are “without productivity”. Finding time for mindfulness, connection, and internal meaning without a product or performance is key. When schedules are full and stress is high, it can be much harder to designate time to just being, but there are endless ways to quiet the mind and find connection: Music, meditation, yoga, podcasts, prayer, mindfulness, family movies, slow walks (alone or with family), etc. Sometimes the only purpose of an activity is to pause and connect, or to spend some time with your mind and body. 

Creative Rest: “ Expression without output or evaluation”. 

How restful is a craft, piece of art, dance etc. when part of the activity is to grow, earn points, turn a profit, pass levels, or win? We often check off the “creativity” box when an activity that encourages expression is on our schedule, but don’t consider the added elements of evaluation. Finding peace and rest in creative activities that only serve as restful expression may be more restful, or a separate time for rest in your routine. This also means knowing your limit, and feeling when a creative outlet is no longer serving you. Maybe this means taking a break from a creative endeavor that has turned stressful and re-finding it on your own or trying something new. Consider what creative outlets you have left due to stress, or ones you have not explored simply because you cannot view it as “productive”. 

There are many more categories we could break “rest” down into, but thinking through a few that resonate with you is a strong start. It may seem like “rest” is easy, and for some that is certainly true, but I hope that these considerations can be helpful for those who find themselves tired, restless, or frustrated despite donating time to simply being still. 

Rest is incredibly personal.

Written by Krystin Bailey, LCSWA